Thanks to what I will call ‘Autism Analytics’, the MLB has joined the NBA and NHL in the offseason, leaving only football, tennis and the election left to bet on.
Okay, I know there is still soccer on. But after two disastrous weeks of Champions’ League losses, I am reluctant to even acknowledge this neanderthal game in the same vein as a sport. After losing all my winnings from last night’s World Series game and another half my bankroll on top of that, you may say, “well, just stop betting on it!”
To that I say, fuck you. I could walk away tonight and painstakingly claw my way out of the hole on Thursday Night Football. I could put on one of many overly corny and overrated Halloween movies and send desperate texts to all the girls who have rejected me. Hell, I could even spend the night brainstorming and building a costume for the weekend.
Am I going to do any of those things? No. That would be letting all those metro foot fairy motherfuckers win. Those Europeans may turn tail and run after taking a roundhouse kick to the face, but I won’t. I’m gonna show them how we do things here in this proud country. Get back up, keep fighting and beat them at their own game.
It’s election season, and I’ll die before I let any sport made outside of the god damn US of A get the last laugh.
Time to stand up and take back my pride. Time to bet some fucking MLS.
PICK: Chicago Fire at Philadelphia Union – DRAW
This pick looks silly at first due to the discrepancy in their table positions, but things are looking a little spooky ahead of this game. Before I get into that, first, some facts about Chicago.
The Fire is missing their starting goalkeeper and midfielder Stojanovic, which is obvious cause for concern. Unions has allowed just 17 goals through 20 games. Chicago striker Robert Beric has been heating up, contributing two goals in the past two games. Chicago has drawn 3 of their last 5 games, at 2-2 each. It seems things can change late with the Fire, with two of those draws coming from stoppage time goals (for and against them). Philadelphia is in a state of chaos following a recent police killing, with looters setting out on the city; the players will surely come out with a BLM message and intent to show up for the city.
Taking this all at face value, it looks like Philadelphia is the obvious choice. They have the defense, they have the scoring, and Chicago is banged up. Seems obvious, except the line has been acting very unusually. A half hour to game time, the line had quick, hard reverse line movement. with a ton of money coming in on Chicago. Now, 20 minutes before, it’s slowly moving back towards Philadelphia.
I believe this isn’t as cut and dry as you would be led to believe, with the unrest causing confusion and distraction in the Philadelphia locker room. Chicago are just out of playoff contention and will come out with every intent to come away with a win.
Both of these combined, I think it evens out the difference between the two teams and they draw.
Prediction: Philadelphia 2-2 Chicago, O3.5